Compassion for Self and Others

Course Syllabus and Contents.  The course has 10 modules (each 80 minutes), one for each week of the quarter. For each module, we provide a brief outline of the concepts taught, and one or two examples of in-class exercises. 

Week 1: Practicing Psychological Well-Being

Concepts

  • How humans evolved into beings who suffer psychologically
  • Practices/wisdoms for alleviating suffering, based on both Eastern and Western approaches

Example Exercises

  • "Share your Voice" – Randomly pop up and say "why I am taking this course"
  • "Wiggle it Out" – Leave the class dancing to music

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Part 1 | Self-Compassion: Relationship with Self

Week 2: Exploration of the Self, and How to Live a Life with Heart

Concepts

  • Historical perspective of the “Self” from philosophers, old and new
  • Gaining awareness of negative self-talk, and changing your relationship to it
  • Learning to honor the layers of self, from the core (innermost) to the persona (outermost) layer
  • Behaving in alignment with core values and following a path with heart
  • Learning to succeed means learning from, and being okay with, your failures

Example Exercises

  • “Mindfulness Meditation” – Practice two different types of meditation, and write down what you heard your mind say
  • “Core Values Journaling” – Write down your core values, and notice what aspects of persona you are attached to

Week 3: Accepting All of Your Personality Traits: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Concepts

  • Connecting to our highest selves (i.e., desirable traits) while learning to forgive our lowest selves (i.e., undesirable traits)
  • The shadow side of humans (from Carl Jung); a result of our creatureliness (from Sigmund Freud) and a need to make oneself important in the uncertainty of death (from Soren Kierkegaard)
  • How to understand, and be gentle with, the shadow side of yourself, so that it doesn’t lead to hurtful behaviors

Example Exercises

  • “Self-Love Meditation” – Holding oneself in the highest positive regard (from Carl Rogers)
  • “Diffuse and Understand Negative Traits” – How is your negative trait a gift, or how does it think it’s serving you?

Week 4: Building Emotional Resilience by Challenging Your Thoughts and Changing Behaviors Concepts

Concepts

  • What is emotional resilience? Perspectives from Mindfulness, Positive Psychology and Cognitive Therapy
  • Learning to question what your “gremlins” are saying, and how to talk to your anxiety
  • How to stop pretending and get in touch with the truth inside yourself

Example Exercises

  • “I Cannot Mind-Read” – Journal about a challenging time when you assumed you knew what someone was thinking/intending.
  • “Discover the Raw Truth” – Go from the complicated story of something that troubles you to a one-line statement of the basic thought or emotion underlying it (e.g., “My friend getting married makes me sad because it reminds me that I am still single and not even close to getting married”, an example from the show “Friends”)

Week 5: Building Emotional Resilience by Accepting All of Your Emotions

Concepts

  • Learning to notice, allow and accept, emotions …. in the body (from Tara Brach)
  • Distinguishing unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions (from Albert Ellis)

Example Exercises

  • “Body Scan” (Yoga Nidra) – A meditation on body parts.
  • “RAIN” – Recognize, Allow, Investigate in a Non-judgmental, and Nurturing way. Meditating on joy and pain in the body (from Tara Brach)

Part 2 | Compassion For Others: Relationship with Others

Week 6: Compassion for Others alongside Healthy Boundaries

Concepts

  • “Being” with others, without trying to fix or change them (from Brené Brown, Marina Abromavic)
  • Seeing the ways we separate from others through judgments, comparisons, and assumptions
  • Setting healthy boundaries with others – you are not a mind reader, it’s not your job to fix people, everyone has their own reality

Example Exercises

  • “Just Like Me Meditation” – This person wishes to be happy, just like me
  • “Are We Really That Different?” Think of a negative trait you do not like in others. What defense would you come up with to convince someone that – even though you might have this trait “a little bit” – it doesn’t really count?

Week 7: Putting Compassion for Others into Practice

Concepts

  • Shifting from judgment of, to compassion for, others
  • Learning to see the “bully” as someone who needs help, not punishment (from Thích Nhất Hạnh)
  • How to not take things personally

Example Exercises

  • “Eye Contact Exercise” – a joint meditation with another
  • “Shifting from Judgment to Compassion”- Tell a story about someone who did something you didn’t like. First, from a position of judgment, then from a position of compassion (not pity) because you can relate to this person’s behavior.

Week 8: Approaching Conflict with Others from a “Needs” Perspective

Concepts

  • Communicating needs without blaming others (from Abraham Maslow, Marshall Rosenberg)
  • Learning to listen without defensiveness
  • Shifting out of victim mode

Example Exercises

  • “Rumi Meditation” – Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field, I will meet you there.
  • “Knowing your Needs”. How can you ask for a need to be met a) without labeling/making assumptions about the other person; and b) without asking the other person to feel a certain way.

Week 9: Taking Responsibility for Conflict with Others

Concepts

  • Taking responsibility for contribution to a conflict, no matter how small
  • How to apologize and mean it!
  • How to get honest with yourself about why another person triggers you

Example Exercises

  • “Shifting from Blame to Responsibility”- Tell a story about someone who you are having conflict with. First, from a position of blame, then from a position of taking responsibility (without putting yourself in the “doghouse”)
  • “What is Actually Bothering You?” – When another person’s behavior has upset you, ask yourself a) what story do you have about its significance? and b) what are your actual concerns?

Week 10: Summary, Tips for Practicing

Example Exercises

  • Participants come up and share their experiences and breakthroughs